Up a Paddle without a Creek

Race for the Cure

2010-02-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

I know many of you probably do Race for the Cure and have a team that you usually walk with. I do too but this year I thought it might be a good idea to have a Laurie Strand team. If any of you would like to walk with me on that day I have formed a team for us. Race for the Cure takes place on April 17th and you can sign up online at http://www.komenindy.org/

Click on Join a Team and browse for our team which is called the Laurie Strand Team. When it comes closer to that day I will figure out a meeting place for us. Thanks for considering this.

2010-01-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

Hello Dear Friends!

We apologize for the delay in updating the blog. Hopefully in this new year we will be better about updating it! The whole family came out here (Colorado) for Christmas and New Years. It was nice to be in a different location and reflect on the past year and of coarse get some quality skiing in. The past couple of months have been difficult as the missingness of Mom sinks in more and more each day that goes by.

I (Heather) am quickly learning that the only way to get through is to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I find that the unknown is the hardest...waiting on the Lord is very difficult. It is a new beginning for us. Especially my Dad and I. Pray for direction and clarity from Jesus. My heart desires to follow Him and hear from Him. I am encouraged as I read back through my Mom's blog. I find myself constantly wanting to call her, missing her wisdom and insight on every detail in life. She truly heard from the Lord and did not hesitate to speak truth. I miss that every day phone call of encouragement.

Yesterday was an especially hard day for me. It was one of those days where you feel pain to the deepest level and need your mothers touch. I drove up to the mountains to be with my dad and after many tears and hugs from him I came upstairs to worship and read through Mom's blog longing to hear words from her. God is so good. He lead me to read her blog. Tears began to flow as I read the words "I have thought about running out real quick and getting some items that would let them all know their value to me. It isn’t realistic because there aren’t diamonds large enough to convey to Elizabeth, Heather and Natalie their worth even though a diamond is a girl’s best friend. Is there a store that has the perfect gift for Jon and JD? I just want them to know that each one has a tender place in my heart and how they have enriched my life. Thank you Jon, Liz, Heather, JD and Natalie we inherit the memories."

Reading this I was reminded of my Mothers love for me but beyond that my Heavenly Father's love for me. We are precious in his sight. How often I forget that. I will be looking for a new job. I have no idea where the Lord wants to take me but I want to be open to his calling and direction. I want to put all my weight on Him and fully trust him in this. I want to trust him to take all my deep hurt in his hands and know that he is holding me. I am SAFE in His arms and no one can bring me harm. He wipes my tears and allows me to rest my head on his chest just like my Mom did. I can hear him saying " It's okay baby, lay it all down. I'm holding you now and you are safe. You are my child and I LOVE YOU. I care for you my dear Heather. Rest. Take my hand sweetie...follow me my beloved. Beautiful. You are my beautiful daughter. SING."

As Mom wrote on July 1, 2009 "Why would I not want to hear his concern and receive his direction? To experience the freedom He speaks of in Galatians 5: It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do no not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Slavery produces a heart of fear. Slavery causes us to not be aware of our inheritance skewing our view that God is good. God does not bring His children misfortune. "

So I will take a hold on Jesus's hand and today I am excited about the unknown. What are your plans for me TODAY Jesus? I am confidant in his leading for me and my whole family. I know Jesus is holding us all through this journey. He has a very special plan for Dad. So Dad, I believe today Jesus wants you to know...YOU don't have to figure anything out. He already Has. He is proud of YOU. He delights in you. He is renewing your mind as HIS WILL unfolds in your life. I love you.

Lots of Love,

Heather

2009-11-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

I returned from Colorado this week. Mike Steele, Ken Stade and I traveled over 1400 miles looking at ranch properties in four days. The Pictures are of the property that met the criteria that Laurie and our team had gathered over the years. I think the following journal entry captures a bit of the vision and dream that Laurie had for the Ranch. Thank you all for your faithful prayers. The more time that passes without her presence the harder it gets. Yet there is still hope because the same Father that held Laurie is holding me and the kids...

After touring the 291 acre ranch outside of Woodland Park Colorado, Mike Steele asked me, “How would Laurie have responded if she were here today visiting this spectacular property?” I said, “ It would take her three days to come down to earth because she would have seen the possibilities of changed lives; people rescued and brought to wholeness by the Holy Spirit.” She dreamt of families learning to share and communicate well in the context of discovery and adventure. She would see people of wealthy and poor backgrounds alike experience the joy of fishing, hunting, survival trips, cooking and exquisite lodging. The five-star guides and facilities would beckon them to return year after year. She envisioned the staff, especially those from challenged backgrounds, being mentored via interaction with the team. It was her desire that God would teach healthy ways to communicate and love through these relationships.

She would see equestrian lessons, both English and Western styles, enjoyed in the beauty of the 10 acre wood-fenced pasture and on the wild mountain trails. She would have led many of the 6:00 AM trail rides that culminated with a cowboy style breakfast over the open campfire consisting of eggs, bacon and pancakes.

In her mind, the two dojos could be perfectly utilized to express the various performing arts, such as dance, music, pottery, painting etc. - art in all its forms and mediums. It would be an ideal place to showcase any projects to staff and guests.

Personally, Laura would have spent a great deal of time in the “Writers Cabin,” perched on a high mountain precipice. Her hearts desire was to write about the love and reality of the Trinity – how the God of creation wants to moment by moment commune with and speak to us.

Winter sports on and off the property would have been her seasonal joy! She would have been a regular at cross country skiing, snow shoeing, and snowmobiling while on the ranch. She would travel with groups who wanted to ski or snowboard to nearby resorts, just 1.5 hours away are Breckenridge, Keystone, and A-Basin.

Laurie loved white water rafting. We first fell in love in Colorado 29 years ago while hiking and white water rafting. She was the first to push friends into the water while floating on a quiet part of the river. I loved her adventure and mischievous spirit. We experienced this same delight just two summers ago with our team/family of friends just 50 minutes from the ranch.

Hiking, camping, and climbing the 14K peaks just 50 minutes away in the Collegiate Mountain Range would have greatly captured her attention. She would take these adventure trips in small groups of 6-8 people. More importantly than the grandeur of the mountains, Laurie would have known her purpose was to get to know each person and love them deeply. In the process, God would give her discernment and knowledge of how He was speaking directly to their hearts.

This would have been her dream manifested. She would have been overflowing with excitement and nonstop creative ideas, of which we would have processed together. We would have joyfully communicated each phase of the journey, in turn providing us with the added benefit of hours of rich conversation. That’s why it would take at least three days for Laurie to return from this dream land of adventure and freedom for the people she so dearly loved.

Yes, Laurie was a true visionary not because of a massive ministry opportunity, but because she saw into the souls of people. She lived with the conviction that each person genuinely mattered. There were no rejects, no one without extreme value, and no one that was too messed up. They all were worthy of her time and love. Laurie knew how to love. She knew how to ask good questions. She knew how to listen to the Holy Spirit, specifically for the benefit of others. She knew how to give her life away – and she did. Laurie was compelled by compassion, because of the deep freeing love she had experienced from her Heavenly Father. Laurie manifested Jesus and people who encountered Laurie encountered Jesus. By God’s transformative power she lived out the reality of this verse –“Christ in you the Hope of Glory.”

Those who have learned from her life understand and have experienced and are experiencing similar growth and transformation will be the core of the facilitating team.

As you might imagine the rate to purchase such a place or for straight investing or invest for tax donations is significant. The ranch is going for 20% of what it cost to develop the facilities. If you know of any potential investors or have knowledge on investments please feel free to contact me. I only ask that you respond as the Lord might prompt you.

Update from Greg

2009-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

We are all back home after a helpful trip to Colorado. We spent a lot of time processing and sharing our feelings and tears from the separation of Laurie, and her Home Coming with Jesus. We spent several nights in the high country and read her letters to the kids and J.D. and Natalie. Tears flowed as Jon read her love and insights for each one. It was good to be alone with just immediate family. I spent good deal of time journaling and listening to the Lord during my stay. Later I hope to share some of my thoughts from my journal.

I spent time with Mike and Chris Steele and Val and Ken Stade just hanging out as well as checking out some potential sites for the Ranch. Our only agenda was to listen and process what we were hearing. In our past lives we would have developed a neatly thought out plan and hope God would Bless those plans. Now we are committed to listen and discern the voice of the Spirit and then respond. One of the days we thought we might explore some potential sites but I needed to deal with the condition of my heart. Mike and Ken commented that they had been waiting for this moment and knew this was the major reason for their visit with me. We talked, processed and prayed for about three hours and ended with all three of us in deep tears of from the loss and trauma our family had experienced over the months since March. As Ken laid his hands on my cheeks and Mike my arm, it was as though Jesus was absorbing some of the trauma from the struggle of seeing Laurie’s health fail and the growing frailty of her body. We commented at the wonder of three men so profoundly impacted by her life and just as profoundly knit together at a heart and spirit level. Truly this has to be the cornerstone of the Ranch – hearts knit with Jesus and one another responding to His leading in the moments He provides.

Reentry here in Indy is hard. The memories are so good which makes the missing more difficult. Jon and Natalie, Liz and JD have been over quite a bit and I am on the phone with Heather. We all think the shock is just beginning to wear off and the slow seeping reality of Laurie not being here physically is starting to settle in. I cry a lot, but have decided to face the pain and trust Jesus to hold my heart. He does… I never knew the pain would be so incredibly great, probably because the love was so deep. This always turns me to thank our Father for the gift of love and life he gave to Laurie and me for so many years.

Finally for this entry I want to thank each one of you for the thoughtful cards and expression of love for me and the kids. Your prayers have had a huge impact on all of us. Thank you all for attending the viewing and the Celebration of Laurie’s Home Going. The Spirit of God was so very present and so was your love. We were all blown away by the support.

I am continuing to press into work with Apex Energy Solutions which has been a huge blessing and at the end of October will go out with the President of Apex – Michael Foit to help train our new Denver office. Following that training, I hope to take a few days to explore some more sites with Mike and Ken. Please continue to pray that we hear and respond to God’s leading.

Love to you all,

Greg

An Update on Laurie's Home Going Celebration

2009-09-07T17:55:00.001-07:00

As Greg is spending time with his children over the next two weeks, Mike and Chris Steele are going to try and fill you in on the “goings on”.

Laurie would have been so blessed by the gathering of her family and friends to celebrate her home going. Friends shared their hearts and Laurie’s children sang and danced to honor Laurie and her Jesus.

Laurie’s dear friend Vivi sang “My Beloved,” which so perfectly expresses the Father’s heart for His bride. Laurie specifically asked Vivi to sing this particular song, as the lyrics, written from God’s perspective, communicate the love she experienced from her Father.

The story on how Laurie and Vivi met was special, yet somehow typical of Laurie. One day Laurie met a girl, Brianna, at Panera Bread for lunch, and Laurie spoke of God’s love for her. Unbeknownst to Laurie someone was overhearing the conversation. That person was Vivi. Vivi approached Laurie and expressed how encouraged she was by Laurie’s sharing her heart and that began an ever deepening friendship between Vivi and Laurie.

I, Mike, had the privilege of sharing about Laurie’s heart and life and the wonderful journey she has taken into the arms of Jesus. Here is a short excerpt.

This was a tribute to a life lived well! Her joy was to find LIFE. This is LIFE, that you know Him (Jesus) and the One who sent Him. He redefined her life. She was His child. He prolonged her life, adding over 6 and a half years to her journey, allowing her to explore “living loved” and imparting that love to others. Laurie simply slipped out of her body which was limiting her.

Laurie knew the verse well, that to be absent from the body is to be found in the Lord’s presence! You couldn’t hold her back from that moment. In November of last year, Jesus came to her and let her know that He could not be without her much longer, as captured in her blog post dated April 12, 2009. He would come for her soon but He wanted her to be able to share this love with her family before she left. Her season here was full and complete and her next season will be even more fulfilling.

Laurie’s son Jon prepared a video/slideshow to give us a glimpse into Laurie’s journey, a life lived well. We enjoyed this look into a Celebration of her LIFE in Christ.

Family friend Tracy Koch shared a beautiful song entitled “I Will Rise.”

The highlight of the celebration was watching Laurie’s beautiful kids sing and dance in expressing their unbridled love and affection for their mom. Heather sang with Natalie while JD accompanied them on the keyboard. Jon read the letter he wrote to Laurie before she went to be with Jesus. Natalie read Laurie’s response. Then Liz blessed us with a contemporary dance number to the song “Glory”.

Laurie’s love, Greg, shared about their life together and her vision for the ranch, a place of healing for hurting hearts. (More on the Ranch at the end of this post.)

Greg’s close friend Ken Stade from Canada shared some thoughts on the banquet meal Laurie was sharing with Jesus. Greg’s brother Randy sang “Hide Me in Your Holiness” during the covenant meal.
Laurie’s children completed the celebration with some very meaningful worship.

Many people have expressed their deep appreciation for the remarkable time shared. Greg and the family want to express their deep affection and thanks for the tremendous outpouring of love and affection they have continued to receive from everyone who knew Laurie. They are blessed by all the words expressed about Laurie’s touch on so many people.

Greg and the family will be resting and replenishing their hearts during the next week. They will begin to post on a regular basis by the end of the month.

The Vision of the Ranch

Greg Writes:

Laurie was a truth teller and a love giver. She was one of the most wise and sound- thinking women I have ever met. If she ever confronted your perspective, it came from a conviction and motive of love to ultimately see you free from torment and pain in your life.

Laurie understood and lived a life of transformation. She could speak profoundly into the life of a prostitute or a gang member, or the business people she met while working in sales. The change God brought about in her life was offered with great joy to everyone she met.

For Laurie, this came through a process of receiving truth, the healing of her soul. She was set free from her past, and fell into love with Jesus as they walked hand in hand. Jesus repaired and restored her heart and that restored trust and the capacity to love and hope.

Laurie and Greg have been walking with several couples for an extended period of time and God has continued to unite them and reveal a vision for a place of healing that mimics Laurie’s walk into Freedom and release.

Their concern came from the condition of so many broken families and such a damaged body of believers we call “the church”. So many of these people attend church week after week, still leaving burdened and unchanged. They are unable to move to the freedom and transformation marked by a life of delight in Jesus.

God never intended life to look like this. Jesus said that He came so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly.

His primary purpose was to reveal the dynamic of a son or daughter relationship with God as Father, where His gentle love would free our hearts and souls.

His desire is that we would experience an overflow of Life, and as a result impart that life to others.

Many are so conditioned to the abuse, trauma, pain, despair, deception and shame that they do not know how to leave those places. Our desire is that they receive wholeness, freedom and restoration; where through a process of exposure to Christ’s love, they would begin to operate out a heart of love.

This is the dream of the Ranch! Laurie’s idea of the Ranch includes a place of fun, adventure, reflection, singing, writing, and rediscovery of the arts. It’s a community where healing can come to the deep places of the soul.

This community will address healing in a holistic, relationally based way that will almost certainly require a place where people can enter into a relaxed, God filled, wonder permeated atmosphere of authenticity, freedom and love.

After Greg and the family rest and recuperate, Greg will be joining with his friends to listen to God and ask His direction for the unfolding of the Ranch. All those involved want to walk out this vision in God’s timing and direction. We would invite your prayers for understanding and clarity.

Finally, on a logistical level, we have been asked by numerous people about the best time to bring meals for Greg. Should you wish to bless Greg with meals, he will be back in motion on the 25th of September, and we know he will be very appreciative and hungry.

Blessings,

Mike and Chris Steele

Pictures

2009-09-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

You may go to the following link to view family pictures taken by one of our dear friends back in March. You are also able to order pictures via this site.

Strand Family Pix

Celebration Service Info

2009-08-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hello friends and family,

Today we are working out some of the details and arrangements for this coming weekend. Here are the times and locations for the viewing and celebration service.

Viewing:
Friday, September 4th at Leppert Mortuary, Nora Chapel from 4-8 p.m.
740 East 86th St. , Indianapolis, IN 46240

Laurie's Homegoing Celebration Service:
Saturday, September 5th at The Church at the Crossing at 10:30 a.m.
9111 Haverstick Rd., Indianapolis, IN 46240

Laurie Strand Memorial Fund:
In lieu of flowers, Laurie and family ask that donations be made to the Laurie Strand Memorial Fund at Forum Credit Union Bank.
6501 N. College Ave., Indianapolis, IN 46220

Greg will be posting more on the ranch in an upcoming blog.

Thank you again for your continued love poured out to all of us at this time.

Strand Family

Laurie's memorial fund

2009-08-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your continued love and support. We have received some beautiful flower arrangements and they very much help to brighten up the home.

We would like to ask however, that instead of sending more flowers, donations would be made to a memorial fund in honor of Laurie. These proceeds will go towards the development of the ranch that Greg and Laurie were in the early phases of planning with some friends. It had been on Laurie's heart for several years to have a ranch where anyone who was broken could come and find healing. Greg will be sharing more detailed information on the ranch. On Monday we will update as to the final details for the memorial fund as well funeral arrangements.

Love,

The Strand Family

The Most Beautiful Bride

2009-08-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

Laurie has gone home to be with Jesus.

Last night our family spent a good portion of the evening singing praise and worship songs around her bed. Throughout the middle of the night she was having difficulty breathing, so we took shifts staying awake by her side. We read to her, sang to her, and shared precious memories of her impact on our lives.

This morning her breathing became more peaceful and relaxed. At about 10:30 Greg took her hand and spoke to these words to her, "Laurie remember the vision that you had. It's time for us to take the walk down the isle. You've been my bride, and now it is time for me to take you to your bridegroom. Jesus is waiting to hug you and kiss you, so I'm giving you over into his hands. I love you."

She had seen this moment and shared it with Greg a few weeks ago. She was dressed in a stunning bridal gown and Greg was gently walking her down the isle to where Jesus was waiting to take her into his arms. Greg's last act as her husband would be to give her away.

Shortly after Greg spoke those words to Laurie, she took her last few breathes on earth and took Jesus's hand in Heaven. Never has there been a more beautiful bride, so in love.

We wept deeply together for a while, and then we spent the next hour just singing worship songs around her. Laurie would have been very pleased to know that her homecoming resulted in such sweet worship.

We will be inviting all of you to join us in celebrating Laurie's life next weekend. Details will be posted shortly.

Thank you to all for your outpouring of support and love. When you have a paddle and there is no creek, the best thing to do is walk. We appreciate all of you walking down this road with us.

Love,

The Strands

Wednesday

2009-08-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

We are just sitting here on the bed with Laurie reading her some of the comments from the blog, singing songs, and praying. Thank you for sharing your many memories of how Laurie has touched your lives. It is very encouraging to all of us to hear these stories. We appreciate all of your words, thoughts, and prayers and the peace and love they are bringing us.

Laurie has slept for most of the day today. Every once in awhile she opens her eyes and we assure her that she is surrounded in love.

You can specifically pray for health and strength for us and a peaceful journey for Laurie.

love to you all from,
Greg, Laurie, Liz, JD, Jon, Natalie, Heather (the bed-side gang)

Tuesday Update

2009-08-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!

Thank you again for all your precious notes and comments to Mom. Tonight we all sat around and read them to her. She loves hearing the heartfelt messages left by all of you! She gets a big smile on her face.

Mom's health continues to decline. Yesterday Dad and a friend took Mom to the hospital to have her stomach drained. They removed 3.6 liters of fluid which seemed to help with the discomfort in her abdomen. As she approaches the final phase she is sleeping a lot but still is able to enjoy the love of her family and the notes from her friends.

Thanks again for all your love and prayers

Greg, Laurie, Jon and Natalie, JD and Liz and Heather AND Annie and buckley

Update

2009-08-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

We just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone around us for the support and love we have felt. It is so truly appreciated. We would love to continue to share your support with Laurie through this blog.

Laurie appears to be nearing the final phase in this journey. At this point in time we feel it is best to keep visitation to just immediate family. We do not want anyone to feel unimportant or unloved; rather, we want you to have peace in knowing that you are loved by Laurie and are important to her. If you will leave your messages of love and prayers or last goodbyes on this blog, we will be sure to share them with her.

We will try to do a better job of updating this blog daily.

Love,

Greg, Laurie, Jon, Liz, Heather, Natalie, and J.D.

Update on Laurie - from Greg

2009-08-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give you all an update on Laurie’s health. You may know about the discussion we had with the Oncologist about three weeks ago saying that Laurie had from 2-8 weeks to live. We have been processing the challenge of those words as her health continues to decline. Her voice once strong and vibrant is week and soft. Her abdomen continues to swell and she looks to be about eight months pregnant. This is due to fluid build up (Acities) as well as the continued enlargement of the liver. The bottom of her feet are hurting and she get’s cold on her hands and feet during the night. Laurie is awake about 5-6 hours per day and is very tired. Hospice care has begun.

I never knew this part of life would be so difficult and heart wrenching. Watching my “Bride” become depleted physically causes a pain deeper than I’ve ever known, yet my love for her is profoundly deeper each moment we are together. She said this morning that she doesn’t want to leave yet…

I know My Redeemer lives. In the midst of the “Valley of the Shadow of Death” Jesus is right here with both of us, still holding us with Peace that is more solid and deeper than the pain and frailty of her body or our hearts. When you come to the raw reality of life and death, no longer is there any doubt of the truth of just who our Father is and who is this Jesus who lived, loved and died and now lives in His resurrected body. No longer is Heaven just a nice thought we mentally ascribe to but a place of dynamic discovery, adventure, full of culture and life and deep relationship with our Father. We will experience rich relationships with those family and friends who have given their hearts and lives to Jesus in this life and now are fully alive in the next.

When we first heard of the cancer in March words of Jesus kept coming back to me over and over again from the account in John where Jesus is in dialogue with Martha, whose brother Lazarus had died. He said, “I am the Resurrection and the Life, he who believes in Me though he dies yet shall he live. Do you believe this?” Perhaps this is the greatest question of all History – Do we believe this? Laurie and I do.

Now as her life on this earth is coming to an end we mourn the loss and separation. Her life has been one marked by love, compassion, wisdom and care for those who have been hurting and broken by the affects of this world. She has had a vision for an ongoing legacy for this next generation. On the next blog I hope to share that vision of a Ranch – a healing community where mature and listening leaders under the leading of the Holy Spirit speak to the deepest places of people’s souls. I’ll share more detail on the next blog.

Thank you for your faithful prayers and loving words for our entire family.

Love you all,
Greg

Precious time

2009-08-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hi, this is Natalie and Jon writing a quick update. The current situation is that the scans so far have shown the chemo to be ineffective. So Laurie is no longer taking chemo treatments. We know that our time with her is short. Thank you to all the people that have helped make it possible for Heather to come home tomorrow and be with us (giving time off work and helping her move.)

For now we are soaking up this precious time as a family. We are enjoying being with Laurie. She is very loved.

Update

2009-07-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

We are all off to Nashville, Tenn for a family reunion. I am so thankful we are able to make it.. I didn't have chemo last week so that is a huge blessing. I am dealing with a lot of pain especially with my bowels and throwing up from the drugs. I appreciate your prayers that this will subside while traveling with family.
Thanks for your care for our family during this time.
I forgot to mention Heather's boss gave her off so she is able to join us. We are excited to get to see her.
Love ,
Laurie

What Is In Your Backpack?

2009-07-16T04:31:00.000-07:00

There is something about nature that speaks with no need for words - it speaks of the majesty of God; it speaks of his greatness. Nature brings us to the reality that God is good.

And so a planned overnight to the mountains was in store for the three of us - Greg, Jon and I, though Jon, at that time, was limited to the confines of my womb. I was early in my first trimester and clueless for how out of shape I had become.

Individually we packed our bags. As a novice hiker, I packed my bag with all the seeming necessities.

This was my first attempt to climb the White Mountains, a 6 mile vertical trek to the peak. It wasn't even a ½ mile into the trip when I found myself hunched over and panting, unable to go another step. Greg was bewildered by my sheer lack of endurance.

Yet our goal was to reach our destination before nightfall. We knew our only hope was to lighten my load. Greg was surprised by the heaviness of my pack as he took it from me and began to unload its contents. (In the retelling of this story we always laugh at what he found in my bag.)

My pack contained: a cartoon of eggs, a jar of pasta sauce, a full can of peanut butter, a can of legumes - the unecessary food items were overwhelming heavy, and Greg continued removing them from the pack, chuckling all the while. Any experienced hiker would have left these items at the grocery store.

As hilarious as this story was, there is something to learn from it. I have heard stories of friends struggling in their marriage, children processing the hurtful words their little ears are hearing, women eating to numb emotional pain, disregarding the damage to their beauty and their bodies. I have seen alcohol and drugs desimate my friend Michael's life after being abandoned in a hotel as a 3 month old. Watching families survive unemployment and other families overwhelmed as they grieve the losses cancer brings. It seems we are all carrying loads to heavy to bear.

This makes me reflect on Jesus' uphill journey to Calvary. He was not carrying a backpack weighing 45lbs, but a cross heavy enough that Simon from Cyrene was conscripted to help with the load. Jesus fell three times on his journey to the place called the skull. The sin of the world weighted down the cross Jesus was bearing. His commitment was to stay the course, not to stop and unload.

My backpack carried a load of food-related items that were never intended for a hiker to carry; likewise, many of us carry loads we were never intended to bear - loads of sorrow, trauma and pain.

Jesus takes notice of the weight , and He longs to unload our backpack. He begins one by one to lift the weight - the unhealthy thinking we have taken on, the neglect we may have experienced, and the heartache that is embedded in our emotions.

Jesus said I have come to give you life. He continued to explain this life would be full. My concern is we may know this, but we are not living where are lives are Full of joy. Instead, our backpacks are carrying the heartache God sent Jesus to take. This full life is not a life truding uphill bearing a burden beyond our capacity. It is a life charactized by freedom and peace. When He was wounded for our transgressions, he was not just wounded for the personal sins we have committed, but also wounded to relieve us of the heaviness we carry in our packs. This heaviness which often deadens our souls, is a lingering effect of the sins committed against us and how it plays on our emotions. Remembering how Jesus taught us to pray: forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. The joy comes as we give and receive forgiveness.

We can look into the face of Jesus to unload the heavy jars that are packed away. And then our souls find breath and are made alive.

Thinking back to my hiking experience, Greg and I arrived at the peak of the mountain, snow everywhere. The snow-enshrouded pine trees declared the glory of God in a way that transcended language. I shall not forget the beauty of the moment. I would have never reached the peak without unloading the pack that burdened me.

The need to examine our lives is a critical one - to end our self-denial and examine our steps with the One who knows us, the One who sees we can no longer put one foot in front of the other. Without Christ unloading our packs, we may make it to the top through our own self-effort, but we will be lifeless both inside and out when we get there. If we recognize Jesus has carried the load we become free to appreciate the beauty and joy that surrounds us. Now as I personally face a heavenward journey, Jesus is walking with me through the frailties of this disease and its toxic treatment. I find my soul is not weighted down, even though I find myself nauseated, vomiting, and full of pain both in the liver and intestines. Is this because of what I have done, or is it because Jesus noticed my pack was too heavy and unencumbered me?

Indeed, God is good. His message lets us live now with all the peanut butter jars pulled out by Him. Enjoy the journey, my friend!

Love,
Laurie

Thanks to JD Collar my son-in-law for coming over this morning and helping me work on this. Your understanding of the English language blesses me. Most importantly to see your focus to get this blog written shows me you care about what is on the heart of others. I know why Liz fell in love with you back at your Grove City days.

Prayer Request

2009-07-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

I appreciate your prayers and especially now as I am sick to my stomach. I was able to attend a friend's wedding but went home sick.

The doctor suggested I go to ER and get an IV to give me fluids. We are giving it a shot at home first but I have a hard time keeping anything down.

It is hard on the kids wathching this they can use prayer too!

Thanks and again to remind you. We love you.

Greg and Laurie

Update

2009-07-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours was able to call and get the report from the scans. The good news is the cancer in my liver has not grown any more. The lymph nodes around my aorta have decreased in size. The cancer in the hip is still growing. We will meet with our doctor on Tues to see what the next steps are.

I am hoping to make it to our family reunion the weekend of July 24th. I appreciate prayer that I am able to go and enjoy being with my family.

I am able to maintain pain with drugs. I am thankful that I am sleeping again through the night. Greg and I were laughing this morning. My stomach was bloated. Friends of ours when they get to the bloated stage have passed away sometimes within the week. So I got a little concerned that I had unfinished business. I woke Greg up at 1:00 am telling Greg I need your help. Proceeding to tell him I haven't finished the letters to the kids and I better write them now. He smiled and said I think you will live through the night so you think we can do this in the morning. Okay I just didn't want to take any chances. Off to sleep we both went. I think Greg will miss his goofy wife.

Medical Update

2009-07-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I go in for scans to see if the chemo is working. I have not felt well this past week. Waking up at night with pain and managing the pain with stronger meds. I have had more vomiting. I am very thankful for your prayers.

I will keep you posted on the results.

Love you,
Laurie

All of Me?

2009-07-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

One Sunday morning I found myself no longer able to listen to the sermon. I became lost in a conversation with the Lord. This dialoque was the only one I could hear as the Lord began to ask me a very poignant question. "Laurie do I have all of you?" My eyebrow lifted up wrinkling my forehead as though I was asking a question back to him 95%? "Oh, do you think I have that much?" 85? My heavenly father shared gently with me it doesn't matter the percentage whether it is 95 or 85 whatever percent of you I don't have is taking you away from me and all I have for you. Why would I not want to give Him all of me? Is it a lack of trust? Do I not believe Him. Jeremiah 29:11-14 says For I know the thoughts I think toward you,says the Lord,thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity...

Why would I not want to hear his concern and receive his direction? To experience the freedom He speaks of in Galatians 5: It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do no not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Slavery produces a heart of fear. Slavery causes us to not be aware of our inheritance skewing our view that God is good. God does not bring His children misfortune.

We live in a New Covenant where Jesus demonstrated the heart of the father by freeing those who were bound. As I read again through the gospels people are getting sick and Jesus is touching and healing them. He is not the one inflicting the disease He is the one healing. Many times in conversation you may hear one angry with God and blaming Him. He came to give life and to destroy the works of the devil. We can rest He says He has thoughts of peace and not evil toward us. And He will heal us either here or there.

Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. (2 Corinthians) And so we can call on the spirit for this liberty in the midst of our pain and our suffering. We are not orphans. He will never leave us or forsake us. For God is love.

We have come to know so many counterfeits of love. To what percent are these counterfeits attempting to take us away? Or to what percent have we given our lives to them?

In highschool I tried everything the 70's had to offer but counterfeit love only changed what I thought about myself. Shame is what I was left with and a marred image of how God created me - beautiful. Thankfully Jesus despised the shame. Until I accepted the price He paid to restore me I couldn't see any beauty.

As we read chapter 13 in 1 Corinthians we realize what love is. For the believer we can no longer justify our angry words and say we love. We come to a place of understanding that we inflict another kind of disease that is more painful than cancer. Taking stock that we are hurting a life with our words. We yield to the one who can teach us a new way.

Love is patient, kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked , does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth' bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

What does He say about you? You are his son and daughter and He loves you with this kind of love. You are called into a family. You are an heir with Christ and therefore now have an inheritance. He calls you his friend no longer a slave letting you know what is on the Father's heart. He has given you the Holy Spirit to discern and know His voice so you can follow.

As we are quieted in His love the response is to give Him 100%.

Update

2009-06-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

Tomorrow I go in for another round of chemo. I have not been feeling well lots of nausea and pain after I eat. Doesn't make one want to eat much.

I have enjoyed the letters, visits and care. They focus me away from the pain. I have been asking the Lord to distract me with his love and he sends you. Thanks.

Love you,
Laurie

Medical Update

2009-06-21T15:38:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

I go in for another round of chemo on Tues. We hope to talk with the doctor as we were unable to last week. Just curious to find out what they are hoping with this new chemo drug. Is it worth how it leaves you afterwards?

We appreciate your prayers as my health seems to be declining. I just don't feel good. I find myself moaning and groaning. I am in bed most of the time. An outing here and there. It is hard on Greg as he hates to watch me suffer but what a great caretaker. He has been an amazing blessing since the day I first met him. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have him by my side.

Thanks for your prayers for our children it is equally hard on them. They have moments of tears and are sobered by the reality that I might be moving. The gift of family keeps me with a smile on my face.

I am still doing okay emotionally as it is hard to focus on anything but how good God is. He has impressed me with His care and love in the midst of the pain. I find myself falling more in love with Him.

We had a great Father's day the kids brought a meal over and took Greg golfing.

I remember the scripture that reminds me that God has prepared works for us to walk in ahead of time. I desire to be attentive to those works as the son peeps through to bring me another day.

Love you,
Laurie

To:Laurie From:Natalie

2009-06-17T05:28:00.000-07:00

Miracles

There are some thoughts that have been swimming around in my head. After reading your last post I know it’s time to write them down.

mir⋅a⋅cle
–noun
1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.

You and I have had conversations about miracles and you often hear the word miracle at some point when you are speaking about cancer. But there are several miracles that I have already experienced.

1) That you gave birth and raised a little boy who turned into a very tall boy. And that tall boy met me and decided to marry me and love me. And experiencing that love is a miracle that happened to me.
2) You have spent a lot of time with Jon and I throughout our dating, engagement and marriage. During that time you sat with us and talked us through step by step how to communicate – turning an argument/ misunderstanding into a conversation between two people. This marriage is something that it would not be without you. Another miracle that happened to me….
3) This next miracle reoccurs every time I see you… the time I spend with you is a miracle. Crawling into your cozy bed with you and talking, still learning from you, still enjoying your company, still getting to look at you. You are a miracle that happened to me.

This is my favorite picture of my miracle…a wonder, a marvel, a work of God….my Laurie.

Goodbyes Only Last for a Moment!

2009-06-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am contemplating what it is to be wealthy. Not too concerned with materialistic wealth. Our future is uncertain and the value of the dollar is only good for here. My thoughts gravitate to what wealth I am leaving behind for my children. I don’t have a lot of jewelry. I have thought about running out real quick and getting some items that would let them all know their value to me. It isn’t realistic because there aren’t diamonds large enough to convey to Elizabeth, Heather and Natalie their worth even though a diamond is a girl’s best friend. Is there a store that has the perfect gift for Jon and JD? I just want them to know that each one has a tender place in my heart and how they have enriched my life. Thank you Jon, Liz, Heather, JD and Natalie we inherit the memories.

The question of inheritance becomes more a reality when you realize your days are getting shorter. Funny how it takes a doctor’s report of a terminal illness to wake you up when our reality all along was this is not home.

I think of the inheritance God has given me through His son and I am overwhelmed. His love for me took my sin and for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross and despised the shame.(Hebrews 12:2-3) This is no small feat to free my spirit from the shame my actions once brought me. Why would I not want to follow Him? Fathering me away from a thought life where fear can make its feeble attempt to take joy, righteousness and peace. The inheritance is freedom.

The gentleness of His voice comes like a hand leading me away from all anxious thought. Beckoning me to get a little closer so that I will know He is worthy of my trust and that He is God. Like a kiss on my cheek I breathe in this unfathomable affection. I find myself comforted by this perfect love.

No matter what the prognosis I realize at any moment our God can raise me up, heal my diseases and deliver me from all fear even the fear of death? Trusting He will lead me to heaven and the timing will be perfect. I am reminded of His benefits.(Psalm 103)

My brother Pat suffered a brain aneurism and at the age of 45, lost his short term memory. I told him I wasn’t feeling well. He said oh I am sorry. Yeah Pat I have cancer. Oh I am so sorry. I might be going to heaven Pat. Then he shared oh Laurie then they will take all your cancer away and proceeds to tell me to have a really good time. The conversation with Pat gave me a deeper understanding of God’s ability to heal. We have received awesome prayer for a miracle of healing. Miracles happening today are believable because He is believable. God does heal all our diseases. Where and when are His to determine whether it is here or there the miracle is equally as great. He rose from the dead. There is no need to undermine the miracle if He chooses to heal me on the arrival of heaven.

My inheritance is freedom from a life of worry. As a follower of Christ I have no need to slurp it out with the pigs, a call away from my prodigal tendencies. Psalm 46:10 encourages me to be confident in Him, to be still and know that He is God and He will be exalted among the nations. Be still… long enough to know that He is at work and will work all things for good.

Living life anxiously while we live here on earth or in our dying is similar to the prodigal not receiving the benefit of His dad’s hard work. His greatest need was not the materialistic wealth he squandered but the presence of his Father. The love his father had for him cannot be measured. There is no dollar sign.

Listening to the father in this story reminds me of God’s love for me. I have a Dad with open arms holding me. He has always been there to give me His counsel, especially now during this difficult time. The relationship with my heavenly Father is my rightful inheritance. A relationship He earned for me. I find myself surrendering to this care. I don’t know how to say goodbye to Greg, our children, family and friends. It is too hard. I know He will teach me.

The inheritance is not what I leave behind but what He has left behind. Eternal life where one day we realize our goodbye’s on earth only last for a moment.

MRI was Negative!

2009-06-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

Good news the MRI on the brain shows no signs of cancer. I have been taking benadyrl and it has helped to alleviate some reactions to the latest chemo drug. I seem to be getting weaker by the day. I spend a lot of time in bed. It feels like life is being sucked out of me.

In regards to treatment we are praying about quality time verses quantity.

It is hard to imagine this side of heaven what the mansions He has built for us are suppose to look like therefore one can find themselves reluctant to move. I have enjoyed my life so much here as God has taught me how to live. I am definitely dependant on Him in learning how to let go. Worshiping Him here or there! He is worthy of our praise.

Thank you for your comments they give me strength. I look forward to reading them. I love you.

Laurie

Medical Update

2009-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear, dear friends,

Thank you for all your support especially through prayer. Tuesday I received for the second time a new chemo drug. We are not sure why but my muscles are giving out. It was hard to walk today my legs went out from under me. My body over the years has consistently reacted to drugs so this might be a drug reaction. I go in for a brain MRI tomorrow. I have also been feeling very sick and very weak.

I remember the scripture "I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee." I am glad He understands and His eye is on me. I desire His perfect peace.

I know I have not been able to spend much time with you. I wish I could as you all mean so very much to me. I treasure your faces and all the conversations in my heart.

Thanks for your continual care and prayer.

Lots of love,
Laurie.

Thank You Jon

2009-06-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Jon,

Thank you for the smile on my face and blessing me. I come away from your writing feeling very special and very loved. You are a gifted writer communicating your heart profoundly. Your name means precious gift of God well suited as you are a continual gift from the day you were born.

As I read your blog entry my mind immediately was taken back a few years. You were 3 years old. Just a little kid. After you were born I held you in my arms realizing I was clueless how to raise a child. I marveled that a child could be made inside of a woman's womb let alone mine. Shortly after your birth I became pregnant with Elizabeth another gift. Beauty in a bundle. I remember being shocked she stayed in one place. I put her on the couch and she grinned and never moved. She still likes to sit on the couch. I thought all children would be like the energizer bunny. You ran everywhere your little stride rite shoes would take you. We went three for three in under three years Heather came along. Oh yes another amazing gift. She came with personality plus and never ceases to bring laughter to our home. One doesn't need to question the existence of God just witness a birth of a child. We were given three little miracles. A miracle is not hard to imagine with this kind of history all we have to do is look on your faces.

We were travelling all over the country and abroad as your father's work with Dr. Graham allowed us to move around.

I don't know what pressures built up in my mind maybe all the changes. What I do remember is taking my anger out on you a small little blond haired boy the age of three. The look on your face quickly reminded me of how undeserving you were of my words flying like an arrow from my mouth to your young heart. I had no idea that life and death are found in the power of one's tonque.

The bedroom is not where I sent you it is where I found myself kneeling before God. The one who shares not by mere suggestion to be angry yet not to sin. How easy it is to misinterpret this scripture forgeting His kindness leads us to repentance. The three little hearts in my care were wounded by unhealed emotions hurting unseen places. What I didn't know as a young parent my children's ability to trust would begin to breakdown. This would serve to be an aid in setting them up for confusion in their adolescent years.

Remembering the prayer that particular rainy day "God if I don't allow you to teach me how to love I could completely destroy this little boy."

The anger we all justify in the christain culture is the very thing that wounds the child's spirit causing them to reject our counsel and leading them to eventually reject God's. Emotionally causing a barrier that will cause cancerous growth. Not unlike the tumors in my liver we will find under the surface growths in our thinking that eventually turn into masses measuring 17 centimeters. The anger will distort our appearance not just as an individual but corporately as the body of Christ.

What does this mean be angry and not sin? It was worth the fight to find out what was causing this kind of reaction. No longer afraid of addressing issues and belief systems passed down in our sin sick world. Scripture tell us satan came to kill, steal and to destroy. Thankful we are on this side of the cross Jesus came to give us life and to give it abundantly.

More importantly coming to the realization that I could trust Jesus He paid the penalty of my sin and all sin reconciling me to God as my Father. I learned to listen to the tenderness of His voice when He said love is patient and kind. I allowed Him to love me and teach me, unlearning whatever I needed to unlearn. Feeling His heart for me.

I found the anger didn't serve any purpose other than not allowing me to feel other important emotions. I discovered by receiving His thoughts for me from Isaiah 55:8 "My thoughts are higher than your thoughts" that I learned to not beat myself up but instead to accept His grace moment by moment which has set me free John 8:32. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us " I know the thoughts I have toward you, to give you a future and a hope." The psalmist shares HE stooped down to make us significant. Understanding this at a heart level will dissipate the anger. He listens. We are important to Him. Our new behavior will display a heart well loved by Christ. I now know with certainty I am loved. I no longer need to perform to get love, acceptance or any of those things. I have His attention. God is pleased with me because what Christ has done is enough

Jon your blog entry is a reminder of an answered prayer a young mother cried out to God for her son. God change me. The tribute and glory go to Him who can heal cancer from a soul. Well worth the hard road He traveled for my healing.

I share this with everyone so they will know that God is able to transform them. If we are angry we can process with the Holy Spirit at that very moment and find we are in charge of our emotions and no one will be able to make us angry. No longer will we hurt others. We will learn how to be angry without sinning.

I placed pictures of the three of you when you were little by the window in the kitchen, my bedside, in the car asking Jesus to heal all the hurts I personally caused. The three of you would collect other hurts along the way. I knew the great physician would tend to you.

He was gracious to show me what to do on my part.

I don't know the length of my days none of us do. I am so thankful that while on earth I have witnessed God's healing in you and the girls. Thank you for the reminder today.

To Him be the Glory great things He hath done.

I love you,
Mom

Medical Update

2009-06-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hi freinds,

We returned from CO on Monday in time for a follow up visit at the doctors office. I received a new chemo drug yesterday as the scans showed the prior chemo didn't work. There are two masses in my liver one is 17 centimeters the other 16 1/2. The cancer has also spread to my hip.

God is good. I don't say that lightly. We appreciate the care He gives us and how He uses you.

Thanks for you love,
Laurie

Strandy toes

2009-05-31T17:51:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic of some Strands getting their toes done in CO.

Laurie, Greg, Heather and Jon

Letter from Jon

2009-05-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Mom,

The first time I went skiing was on my ninth birthday at Crystal Mountain in Michigan. I got a private lesson and you and dad were right there the whole time. While most parents use lessons as a chance to ditch their kids, I remember you both taking such joy in me learning. Then we left the bunny hill. Dad and Uncle Randy’s coaching turned out to be a lost cause. I was beyond frustrated, and with tears streaming down my face I informed you that I wanted to be done with skiing forever.

I do not remember the encouraging words you said, but our whole family and anyone I meet knows the result of those words: my absolute skiing addiction. Seventeen years later I still experience the same joy as I did when you took me down the beginner green run suitably named Giggles. Course, my giggling these days is induced more by hucking off cliffs than cruising greens. (And I promise to only take very calculated risks, mom…no worries, I’ll be fine).

You made sure my childhood was filled with laughter. Weather it be rodeos in Texas, dentists visits, family portraits, picnics in the park, road trips to visit Grandparents, grocery shopping, or getting kidnapped for breakfast at the pancake house: I could tell a story for each about how much fun you made it.

In grade school I could not wait to get off the bus, eat the snack you prepared, and tell you about my day. We didn’t have money for school lunches on dad’s youth pastor salary. But even if we had, I doubt you would have let anybody else prepare the meals. You packed our little neon lunchboxes full of your care each day. And while I made sure my friends did not see, I secretly looked forward to reading the notes you would write on my napkin. Always ending with a smiley face and an “I love you.”

I cannot count the number of times you have said this. You have always been so intentional, telling me of my worth and value. It has taken most of my lifetime with you telling me I have worth and value for this truth to finally become ingrained.

You were so focused on the three of us kids growing up, so attuned, that you were able to notice the small struggles in our lives and speak into those areas.

You never had to ask me to clean my room in gradeschool. But you did have to teach me how to lighten up. How to strive for excellence, but not allow perfectionism to rob me of my joy. You showed me how to accept when things didn’t go my way. And when I broke one of your favorite china dishes, you held my face in your hands, wiped away my tears, and told me it was just an object. Things break, that happens in life, and I love you…and no more balls in the house.

You noticed in middle school how I gravitated towards outside sources to make me feel significant. You would tell me how you were proud of me for getting good grades, but that even if I didn’t I would still have just as much worth. Or even if I wasn’t good at soccer, I would not have any less value.

In high school, you continually addressed my insecurities and my need for acceptance. I can still hear you word for word, “Jon…you are a very likeable person. You don’t need to try to impress anyone. And when you are just yourself people are attracted to that. You have so much worth and value because you were made God’s image. I love you. Have fun tonight. Drive safe.”

You fulfilled the role of a parent in the way parents are meant to be. You were my daily life coach, my counselor, and trail guide.

Francis Schaffer wrote, “The dilemma of modern man is simple: he does not know why man has any meaning.” And as I grappled with this question in college, it was your gentle voice that was my constant. I wrestled with my faith like Jacob fighting the Angel, and you handled me in the only way that I could be reached: with love.

The only way I could have been reached. Those were the most pivotal years of my life. The questions I threw out like a hailstorm of curve balls. When I explored eastern philosophy books, was quoting Sartre and Nietzsche, and challenging every aspect of who God is, it must have been scary for you. I was so bitter towards religion, so confused. But you did not react to my searching in fear. The sky was falling in my life, and yet you chose a different way. You operated out of love. You listened to me. You and Dad made me feel understood, even when you disagreed with what I was saying. I cannot thank you enough for your patience, your love, and your gentleness: it has made all the difference.

And during these last few years our relationship has taken on another form. You are one of my best friends. Actually, it’s not all that different from how it has always been. You and dad know how to hang out. I remember in high school you guys even changed your bedtime, started staying up late, just to be involved in your children’s lives. I will forever cherish the hours spent sitting around the living room talking, enjoying a sunny morning breakfast on the balcony, going to the first Friday art shows, family vacations, and backyard cookouts.

Mom, I will miss you more than you can imagine. I wish desperately this was not happening. But know deeply…I will be o.k. And the family into which you have poured so much love, will be enabled by that love to comfort each other. I am confident that God will hold our faces in his hands, just as you used to when we were little.

A friend recently asked me how I was doing it; how I was holding up so well in the midst of everything. I told him of my journey and the places I have been taken. And though I have no church ties, I spoke unashamedly of Christ.

Every time I came home from college upon crossing the threshold of our front door, I physically felt a peace that permeated each inanimate object and wall. It was as if God had invaded every molecule of the things you touched. I still feel it now, even in your little condo. It is a kind of clean that you cannot get from a vacuum and dust mop.

It is a peace that you have taught me to embrace. A peace that guides. And as it leads, it allows me to walk in a freedom that surpasses understanding, yet is more concrete than the streets we drive.

So now, as we go down the road to goodbye, I have peace. Though my heart breaks, I have strength. Though my eyes cloud from a torrent of tears, I still have clarity. We are walking in the shadow of the valley of death, but despair does not sting us. It is displaced by hope and the knowledge that death cannot truly rob us of life.

Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for sticking with me on the ski hill. And more so, for sticking with coaching me through each season of my life. You did it so very well, mom. I love you.

~jon

Update from Colorado

2009-05-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

Greg and I met Liz and we are all visiting Heather in CO. It has been good being together on my off week from chemo. I did get altitude sickness when we went to stay in the mountains and had to return to Denver.

Thanks for your prayers we did get some reports back from scans and they were not good.

Exceedingly more than I could imagine

2009-05-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

I pulled white gabardine pants from my closet. Looking in the full length mirror I knew this was the outfit. Whenever I wore this suit I felt like a million dollars. A young woman about to meet three good looking gentleman. Greg and his two brothers were on their way to see our barn . Our mom's were attending a bible study together and arranged the meeting. Of course they were just coming to see our barn. Mind you this barn wasn't just any kind of barn.

Walking through two huge doors you were immediately in awe of the craftsmanship of the artisans of one hundred years ago. The building stood as solid and strong as the day it was built. The flooring made out of wooden blocks. The beams were rough hand hewn logs. Fifteen horse stalls in all with living quarters off to the side. One could only imagine what it was like in it's day with every stall full.

Whoa! A term I used often while hunting my horse with fellow equestrians.

Whoa! This man is amazing. My blue eyes could barely catch his brown eyes. He was so handsome. Okay get it together. I am here to show them the barn. In my white pants I trudged through the stalls. First impressions are important but I had to wonder why I was wearing white pants.

The dialogue that began between Greg and I has lasted a lifetime. It started with an outward appearance but quickly became more engaging as we shared how we both met Jesus. The sun was setting off to the west, colors lit up the sky descriptive of what was going on in my heart. The painting was impressive a masterpiece in the heavens. The doors of the barn were flung wide open. You could see the fence separating the fields and the horses frolicking in the pasture. I pulled out my quitar and began to play the only song I knew how to play "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you. Observing Greg as he worshiped the Lord I knew I had met the man I would hope to marry.

My dad teased me about my swooning. If God gives me a man like Greg I'll understand what Paul means in Ephesians when he says, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think..." and off to bed I went to dream about my future.

In just ten days I would be packing my bags to work on a dude ranch in Granby, CO. What timing! How would this ever work? The connection we made that evening in the barn would take us literally over the river and through the woods only it wasn't grandmother's house we would go. We met in Estes Park, Winter Park, Denver, Breckinridge and any place hiking would take us. We fell in love conversing over long meals. We held hands as I attempted to wear cowboy boots on a trail full of snow. Sliding all over the mountain as we giggled.

Returning home to Indiana we found a quaint restaurant in Brown County. Brick steps leading downstairs where we would dine. Come and sup with me and I with you. The date makes me reflect on how good it is to find love. God is love. Eye to eye we communicated sometimes without a word spoken. Leaves were turning color as a new season was bursting forth. Holding hands we recited Corinthians 13 committing this chapter to memory.

The courting led into our engagement. A proposal came with Greg's desire to spend his life with me. I immersed myself in the thought of one day becoming his bride.

Thankful for the gift of marriage. I find myself immersed in the thought of one day seeing my heavenly groom face to face, having long conversations, looking eye to eye. Since the recent diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer I realize it is my marriage to Greg that enables me to dream about heaven without fear.

No longer a need to hunt for white gabardine pants to make a good first impression. I have been clothed with a new nature that will make me feel better than even a million dollars. Looking back 29 years ago in the full length mirror I saw life dimly through that mirror. Now we see in a mirror dimly,but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. (1 Cor. 13:12)

This scripture helps me to understand the dynamic tension for our family, naturally we want to always be together. So sometimes we might find a tear or two but the Lord is teaching us that life is today. We have a clearer understanding of our days being numbered. I am thankful the Lord doesn't worry us with the details of the exact time or even how we will leave. Learning the secret of being content, trusting God to teach us. We can give Him all our dreams whether it be attending your youngest child's wedding or playing with the grandchildren. Convinced that neither death nor life will be able to separate us from Him. We find ourselves once again committing to memory the chapter on love.

Update

2009-05-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

Thanks for reading my blog and checking in on me. Your friendship means so much.

Tomorrow morning I have a chemo. Hopefully my white blood count will be up so I can take all the rounds.

This weekend has been awesome. I felt well enough to spend time with friends. What a blessing!

Thanks for your prayers,
Laurie

Update from last chemo

2009-05-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

I feel so much better. I can't thank you enough for praying.

Watched the Farreh Fawcett documentary on her battle with cancer. I find myself praying for their family. Maybe you could pray with me for her son who is in jail. I pray the Lord would touch him and speak to him and love him real good.

I hope you have a great day and enjoy whoever you are with especially your family.

This is the day the Lord has made and He wants you to enjoy it!

He loves you!

Love,
Laurie

2009-05-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met an individual you walked away from and you knew you were changed? I met a person in college who introduced me to someone who on first impression seemed a bit radical. Yet in many ways I was the radical one. Using radical means to attempt to find solace for a very confused heart. So what did that look like? How in a few words does one describe the condition of one's soul. Full of cancer. The cancer started in my thinking, a compilation of many careless thoughts both mine and others. The cells multiplying and dividing spreading to other areas to mold my values and my worth. These thoughts accumulated over the years wiggling their way down to my heart. Ah, now the very core of who I was where life and breath came from had become diseased. A slow, silent attack but deadly.

In the 70's we were good at treating symptoms. Teenagers were influenced to think pot could bring an euphoric feeling bypassing the issues at hand. Society beginning to show the manifestations of unraveling families. The infamous motto "love, peace not war" integrating pre-marital sex into our routine. Other than the drug dealers no one was old enough to think about consequences? We were too carefree. We could smoke or drink consequences away. It was just about having fun or so we thought.

And then I met a girl at College. Why did she stand out? She could be with me and not be influenced to think like I did. She befriended me. She was sensitive enough to notice what I could not notice. I wasn't living. She was simple and engaged me in conversation. She cared.

Her desire wasn't to correct my behavior. She entrusted me to the one who could. She told me about Him - about relationship not religion.

Over the past 30 years I have thought about this encounter in college many times. She has no idea how my life took a different road. How a relationship with Jesus has impacted my family and me. All the more as we face a different kind of cancer.

I was raised in church so the idea wasn't foreign to consider God. What I didn't fully understand was the relationship He desired to have with me. I didn't realize I could get to know Him and have a relationship with Him that didn't consist of what I needed to do. It seems my focus was on me and what I did, rather than Him and what He did for me. The ironic thing is when you realize what He has done for you, all you want to do is to give to Him in return. Unfortunately the focus being on me never really allowed me to live life as He intended.

How quickly we find ourselves treating symptoms in '09 disregarding relationship using religion instead of pot. We end up in the same place not living. Innocently cancer takes over our thinking as easily as in the '70's.

The need is the same that someone would take notice that we are not living. Jesus is radical. He has the ability to change our perspective so we can live. When you meet Him you do walk away changed because he has taken notice. He died that we might have life. It is hard to understand the importance of His death and taking our sins until we realize we no longer carry any weight for them.

I have come to give you life and to give it to you abundantly are His words. Even in the midst of difficult circumstances there is life when He is present.

The toxins in our thinking are released through relationship with Him as we allow Him to love us. We find our soul no longer has cancer.

Love,
Laurie

'

Not feeling so good!

2009-05-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

I appreciate your prayers I had chemo yesterday. I feel like someone came in, beat me up and left me for dead only I am alive.

Blood count is still low but they were able to give me the chemo drug needed.

I am weak and dependent on His strength.

Thanks,
Laurie

An Adventure of a New Look - Matt 10:30-31

2009-05-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure in my 53 years I have ever cared how many hairs I have on my head.

Heather cut my hair short in the event I lose my hair from the chemo treatments. Daily I watch hair fall from my head, by the handful I pick up strands strewn over the vanity. I can't tell you what I think about the hair loss other than wondering what I will look like all dressed up. Finding fun hats and maybe pursuing a modeling career for a hat company. An adventure of a new look!

And then I realize this is not a game my hair is falling out for a reason. Did I watch Gone with the Wind one too many times. Scarlett's notorious comment " Oh, I will worry about it tomorrow."

Is there a cause for worry even putting worry off until tomorrow? I remember saying goodbye to Greg, my mom and dad as the technician wheeled me into the operating room for a mastectomy. My fear wasn't the operation, chemo or the losing of my hair "even though a woman's hair is her crowning glory." I was scared I would have a reaction to the anesthetic. The fear could have immobilized me. If one was listening with their eyes the silence would allow you to hear my trembling thoughts. They were interrupted by a kind voice whispering to me. The tone of His spirit has changed how I view God.

A reminder from Philippians 4:6-7 I didn't need to be anxious but by prayer and supplication let my requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

I use to hear this as a command don't be anxious and didn't understand the heart of the message of the words. I took this as a denial of my feelings and the need to jump into a state of never being anxious. On this particular day I heard the Lord say it is okay that you are anxious I understand. I want you to know you don't need to be anxious... but when you are talk to me, I will guard your heart and mind...and give you peace.

God allowed me to feel, to be real with Him. Circumstances didn't need to dictate my ability to trust Him. Teaching me I could talk to Him and listen for His voice for He was listening to mine. His sheep can hear His voice. Allowing Him to sort the lies I had come to believe, replacing the fearful thoughts with truth.

My phone rang. I found out the breast cancer traveled into my ducts. God I feel a little anxious. God's word overpowered the words of the nurse giving me peace.. The psalmist wrote "you will have no fear of bad news." These words lingered and linger to this day. The Psalm doesn't say we won't have bad news just that we won't have to fear the bad news.

Unlike Scarlett O'Hara I don't need to worry about tomorrow and I can sport a new look.

Because the very hairs of my head are all numbered. So do not fear: you are more valuable than many sparrows.(Matt 10:30-31)

My value is not tied up in something as fleeting as a hairdo. Learning that life is not about external appearance but something much sweeter one of a relationship with the creator of the universe. Characterized by tender and compassionate words all giving me the assurance of my value to Him.

We are more valuable than many sparrows. May this knowledge be all you need to live worry free as you follow Him. I pray you enjoy all your moments...

Love,
Laurie

Quick Update

2009-05-11T17:00:00.001-07:00

We are all doing good. I go for chemo tomorrow. I am still losing weight. Wouldn't you know you spend half your life on a diet, bookshelf full of diet books and now you are praying that you quit losing weight.

We will keep you posted on the results of chemo. We are hoping I am able to get full treatment and that my white blood count is up.

The doctors will take scans in the next couple of weeks to see if this treatment plan is working.

We appreciate your encouraging words concerning the blog.

Love you,
Laurie

Chemo Update

2009-05-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I went in for another chemo treatment. My white blood count was low even with the week off so they were unable to give me the full treatment. I did receive the Zometa and Avistan which makes me feel like I have the flu. My body aches and I am tired.

Next week if my white blood count is up they are hoping to dose reduce me and give me the treatment needed to fight the cancer in the liver.

We had a good vacation. I had special moments with each one of our children including our daughter and son in law. So thankful for the time and memories that we shared.

Thanks for the prayers.

Love,
Laurie

A Storybook Wedding

2009-05-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

The night before our wedding the headlines read expect blizzard in the morning. January 16, 1982 had arrived, months of preparation and our special day was here. I began my ascent of the Cathedral steps in downtown Indianapolis. The weather was frightfully cold making record temperatures. My veil was scooped up by the wind, the windshield factor hit 60 below.

The guests rose as I began to walk down the long aisle on my father's arm. A storybook wedding. I allowed myself to take a breath to embrace the moment. The candles were lit, the flowers in place, the beauty of the church with family and friends all celebrating our decision to marry. All eyes were on me. The eyes I began to search for were those of my groom. I will soon say vows to my dream come true, to my very best friend. There he stood in his black and white tux at the front of the church. The smile on his face is one that still remains to this day. Smitten with His bride. It never mattered if I was deserving of his love. It was mine to have and to hold from this day on. My groom made me feel beautiful. He reached for my hand and pierced my heart with his gaze, reciting his desire to take care of me and to be faithful in his love 'til death do us part.

Years seemed like they slipped away and yet in many ways they lingered as we learned together how to love one another. Jonathan, Elizabeth and Heather came with enthusiasm at each birth. Counting little toes and fingers, waving goodbye as they took their first school bus ride, holding them when life presented woes, paying close attention to their dreams. Celebrating their accomplishments as they began to live life on their own.

My marriage to Greg has given me a taste of God's marriage to the church His bride. Especially as we walk the road we are currently on. A transition of our eyes on Him the groom and we find too that He thinks we are beautiful - His bride. His eyes never leaving us. His thoughts always for us. His heart never condemning us, our sins and our flaws erased by His crimson blood.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Again I find myself walking down an aisle not unlike the one of my wedding day. This time no longer on my father's arm but on my husband's.

December 30, 2006 Liz placed her arm on her daddy's as he gave her to JD to become his bride. June 30, 2007 our beautiful daughter-in-law Natalie walked with her father to be given to our son - his bride. We have experienced joy and an added dimension to living life because of JD and Natalie.

None of us know as we walk down the aisle known as life when we will look into the eyes of our heavenly groom. Whose arm might we hold as we are given away? A storybook wedding woven together throughout pages of history described in His word.

2 Corinthians Chapter 5:1-5 for we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens... Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the spirit as a pledge. Therefore, being always of good courage, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord - for we walk by faith, not by sight - we are of good courage...

May we encourage one another to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith....as we await our special day!

Love,
Laurie

Happy Hours

2009-05-01T06:15:00.001-07:00

More happy hours of strand family fun in the sun.

Precious moments at the Bay

2009-04-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hi...it's the youngest Strand writing today. We are here in VA having a fabulous vacation. It has been refreshing to be here with the family. It gets kinda rough being out in Colorado and not with the family during this time so I am very grateful to be here at the bay.
Today has been an interesting day of emotions for me. I am feeling pretty sobered at the moment as I heard the news of the McCracken family and the loss of their Mother. I took a walk on the beach with my Dad today and we shared how we were feeling with all that is going on with Mom. Before I met up with Dad I was walking by myself listening to music and tears began to well up when I thought about the reality of what is going on. It is easy to see Mom doing well and it seems everything is fine, which is good I think, it allows me to really enjoy the moment. On the flip side, as soon as I think of her not being around my heart is filled with sadness. I can not imagine not being able to call her, hug her, sit by her on the couch while she holds me and rubs my hair. There is something about her touch that puts me at ease no matter what is going on. I do know that we have a big God and He is the only one that can give us the peace we need to get through the circumstance but sometimes I just can't help but go there. Dad and I agreed that we are feeling the same in the sense that when she is up and moving around, it seems Mom is okay but as soon as she starts acting tired or weak or NOT EATING (shame on her for that...we have to shove food down her and Natalie is really good at cheering her on to eat ) the reality sinks in a bit. It's definately hard, I think I feel the reality a lot and I don't like it one bit. I need my Momma so I am praying for that extension!! The hardest part about this whole thing is the unknown. Sometimes I just wish we had a clearer picture of what is truly going on but peace in the moment gets me through and I am thankful for that. I am thankful we are able to laugh and really enjoy eachother this vacation. J.D. is really good at making us all laugh with his funny phrases and stellar dance moves:). I am thankful to have a Mother that truly loves me and cares so much about me. SHE IS THE BEST!!

Pix from the bay

2009-04-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Here is a small collection of photos from the first half our Strand family vacation.

God is good!

2009-04-28T05:53:00.001-07:00

I am so thankful I took the risk of not feeling well after chemo and decided to vacation with our family. The weather has been perfect, the view unbelievable and the fellowship a memory in the making. I get around a little slow these days. To be here listening to the lapping of the waves, cracking oysters and eating appetizers on the beach as the sun sets has well been worth the inconvenience of not having perfect health. I marvel once again of how good God is.

Sometimes I get concerned that we have somehow painted a wrong image of God made people jump through hoops and as a result have lost sight of how good He is.

I am honored that my husband would write such sweet things about me. His words make me reflect on how my heavenly Father has done an amazing work in my heart. A heart that was once so troubled. His love is able to transform all our brokenness. The degree of brokenness is not the issue because little by little He is able to heal our woundedness if we learn to trust Him.

My relationship with Greg gives support to my ability to trust our Father. My husband has loved me well and today it doesn't stop. He just keeps serving me. I tear up when I think of his love. How can I not love and trust God on this part of the journey.

Yesterday morning I was sitting on the screened in porch when Greg brought me my drink and began the routine of ensuring I had all I needed for maximum energy. I took a moment and pondered the scene in front of me of this sacrificial love driven by compassion. I became increasingly aware that I tasted love in my lifetime. Not the love a man gives a woman out of their own strength but a love God gives a man for a woman out of His. I turned the pages of my brown leather bible to Ephesians Chapter 5. Taking my time to read the words - I listened. You can hear the misuse by some when a husband takes a section of these words quoting them to his wife. Wives submit to your husbands and yet they have forgotten the words of encouragement to them that follow in verse 25. Husbands love your wives,just as Christ has loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all his glory, having no spot or wrinkle, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their own wives...

I think it is difficult to not love and respect your husband in return and you do feel when properly loved that you no longer have spots or wrinkles.

I share this because in my heart I am a teacher. When I discover a truth that can bring this kind of enjoyment to life I want to pass it on. Especially when love is being trampled on in marriages all around us. I know what I have in my marriage is what God intends for all marriages. How He wants to teach us. (1 Corinthians Chapter 13.)

Remembering the word became flesh and dwelt among us and now lives in us. Ephesians 5 is not a challenge of self effort but an invite for men to allow Christ to fully love them. I am confident being loved by God will teach men how to love their wives and will bring their families back to Him. A passion in my heart to see families restored by the one who is able to restore.

Love gives us the strength to walk through difficult circumstances. Savoring the moments and seeing that God is indeed good!

Love,

Laurie

Thoughts from Greg

2009-04-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all who have shown your love and concern in the care for our family.

The following conversation took place on our balcony as I took the time to listen to the Lord.

"I want to change your perspective of life as you have known it." Greg, my son, Laurie is right in that when you accepted me you died as you read in Romans 6. Now life is a continuation from life to life. No longer does the sting of death burden your heart. Yet this does not deny the feelings of loss of any kind be it friendship, work, relationships etc. You did receive my revelation about pleasing Me. Indeed it is not the austere thought of faith a false perception of who I am who requires you to muster some kind of belief in a robotic God who will respond to your hard lifeless view of faith. Rather in Hebrews Chapter 11 it is about my tenderness as a Father who longs to embrace His children. And without faith it is impossible to please Him for He who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

The belief is that God is! He is Abba,Pappa, Daddy, Father. The reward is His embrace. He fully accepts me as, I am seen in His eyes full, restored, alive in Jesus,pure and in right standing. He sees me as His son. His presence is the reward not some item, material wish, demand. His very life in us ( Christ in us the hope of glory)is His assurance to us that we are family - sons and daughters delighting in Dad. During this season of very real struggle that I don't like He meets with me. I've worried myself with food and nutritional regiments for Laurie. I've been afraid of her going through suffering. I have feared being alone without my companion of 27 years. I have wondered how my kids, daughter and son in law and future grandchildren would live without her.

She has been graced with wisdom,vision, the ability to teach, and the willingness to confront lies we believe with compassion unparalleled to anyone I have seen. Her compassion is a deep desire for freedom of the heart of individuals which moves her anywhere at any time with whoever God brings across her path. Her sensitivity and practical wisdom have not only been a stabilizing influence on our family but has served to motivate us to action and care for other people. Yes she is remarkable yet it is both her beautiful and unique soul and Jesus loving through her that is so attractive, so dear to my heart. Laurie has grown through hardship and struggle with a God-breathed desire to be well to be whole. This has resulted in a life of incredible transformation. This is why Paul was not ashamed of the Good News(gospel) it brings His life, His intimacy, His Power to change and heal just as He said in Isaiah 61.

The turning point in my perspective is that life with Jesus continues whether Laurie is present with us or present with our Father.

God has put on my heart to pray in the affirmative regarding Laurie's health and extension of time. I have been given what only He can give peace as I trust my heavenly Father with the number of her days.

Thanks you for praying with me,
Greg

Medical Update

2009-04-23T18:06:00.001-07:00

Tuesday I was able to have chemo. It went extremely well although I did have an allergic reaction nothing Benadyrl couldn't handle.

I didn't have the Zometa and so I had no nausea or aches in my bones. I only have to have this drug once a month.

The macrobiotic diet I am on is giving me energy. I overdid today thinking I could get around more than my body was able to do. I am limping in a good deal of pain. Hopefully it will pass by morning.

I have a week off next week from Chemo so the family is going to Chesapeake Bay on Saturday for the week. Heather will meet up with us from CO. We are all looking forward to our time together.

Thanks for your prayers. I have never done this well with chemo. My radiation is over and will continue to shrink the tumor on my back over the course of the next 6 weeks. They will x-ray after that and will decide if the cryoblation surgery is necessary.

Again thanks for your love and concern. We our overwhelmed with the care.

Love,
Laurie

Blindfolded Faith

2009-04-18T05:24:00.000-07:00

Jonathon, Elizabeth, Heather where are you? You could hear the words echoing through the rooms of our humble little farm house. We were raising our young children in the middle of cornfields in Albany,IN. At the time Greg was the youth pastor at a church nearby. My how time has moved us forward.

I found Jonathon, okay grab him and blindfold him. Jonathon this is your dad and mom. We are kidnapping you. Don't tell your sisters. One by one we took the red and blue bandanna's and covered our three little children's eyes. We turned them in circles. A little dizzy they fumbled as we began to lead them to the car. Our hands on their shoulders gently coaching them where to take the next step. Can you see anything? Good,keep your eyes closed. We have a surprise for you. All you could hear in the backseat of the car were the giggles of three joyful children. They knew Dad and Mom were all theirs this particular morning.

Money was a little tight back then and it didn't take much to get our children excited. A memory where it brings you joy listening to their enthusiasm for life lived simply.

The car pulled up in front of Richard's the best place to get chocolate chip pancakes. Blindfolded all three let us lead them into the restaurant all eyes on them. I probably don't need to explain they were the cutest little tow heads in town. Blindfolded faith in their parents allowed them to have fun as they anticipated where they were going. And now we had arrived, off with the blindfolds. I hope as you listen through these words that you can hear the silly laughter.

Fast forward to a ride in the car as I was heading for a chemo treatment. I quickly saw a blindfold on my eyes placed there by my Father. Is it my turn? Are you kidnapping me in your love? I can wait in gleeful anticipation as my children did. I can trust isn't that what faith means in the Greek. I can trust His perfect timing to lead me to a place not known by me. Our children trusted us. Even though they couldn't see there wasn't a hint of fear. As long as I know that my daddy's hands are on my shoulders guiding and coaching me to take the next steps I too can be excited and know that everything is going to be okay.

When He takes the blindfold off I too will have silly laughter.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But He who fears has not been made perfect in love( 1 John 4:18.

Father please perfect me in your love.

Love you,
Laurie

We Walk By Faith Not By Sight

2009-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident ,yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him...( 2 Corinthians 5:6-9)

I have heard the verse for we walk by faith not by sight so many times and yet unaware these words were nestled between the confidence that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. This teaching requires a chiropractic adjustment to my thinking. It is not the first time I have needed alignment in how I view life. The spiral staircase vision becomes more a reality we go from life to life. When do we die? Is it when we first come to Christ?

Romans Chapter 6 helps our understanding as Paul writes: or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism unto death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in the newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this ,that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with , that we should no longer be slaves of sin for he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him.

I have come to realize how brilliant the Lord is with His teachings. Showing us to only be concerned with pleasing Him as referenced above in Corinthians. How wise a Father He is. When we quit longing for the approval of man and live to please Him we discover so many attributes of His character. One He is so easy to please. So happy to have our full attention. He is who He says He is and you run right to His arms saying "Oh Daddy. " The tender reality is God is an amazing Father. It is not about our efforts to please Him. It's all about His ability to love us so well that there is no one else we would desire to please. The war for our affection is over whatever fights to take our heart no longer has a pull. Whether it be food, drugs, cigarettes, approval of man you know the list of self destructive vices. We find we are not allured by anything this world has to offer.

I still remember my daily jaunts to the store to get my fix of chocolate. The freedom came when I understood that it wasn't satisfying my real need to be loved by Him. Only the comforter gives what satisfies - Life- now and forever. The substitutes no longer work they pale in comparison.

Convinced of Romans 8:38 : For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God...

Wherever we are on our journey homeward bound. We are in good hands when we are in His hands.

Love you,
Laurie

no appetite

2009-04-16T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hello there. This is Laurie's daughter, Liz. We are sitting on the couch together just talking about how to get onto this blog to write some more stuff! Yeah. So, today was an ok day. Mom had another radiation treatment this morning. She has lost some more weight, which is not real good, but dad, Jack and I are downing her with food trying to get some calories on her. It is a challenge because she really doesn't have an appetite. But alas, we will prevail!

Her energy has also been down today. But her spirits are still up! We are going to have a girls night tonight and watch some movies, which is right up my alley, mom will probably fall asleep. Thanks for reading these lil ramblings and nuggets. Have a great evening y'all.

Our main prayer request is that she will continue to eat and enjoy what we make. Thank you.

Love ya,

Liz

Medical Update

2009-04-15T06:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a port put in, radiation and went in for my chemo. My white blood cell count was to low to receive treatment. Hopefully we can get back on schedule next week.

It is recommended we have the tumor on the back (golf ball size) frozen along with the radiation I am currently receiving. The radiation oncologist shared they are giving me the most radiation one can endure and be safe. I will not be able to have radiation in this area for a few years after this treatment. So I figure I will need to hang around long enough to receive radiation if needed. They are giving me in 15 treatments what one would normally receive in 30 to 40.

I am still in one piece. I do not look like an alien!

I did come home, sit in my chair and cried as I was disappointed I was unable to receive the chemo treatment. I remembered a comment Gregg Parris from Union Chapel (Muncie) shared in a sermon. If you give your disappointments to God He can turn them into divine appointments. So that's what I did. Shortly after I remembered this quote Gregg called timing was perfect.

I also remembered something God inspired Paul to write 'that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord." Nuggets for this journey.

Thankful for the years of love we have all shared.

Love,
Laurie

Stairway to Heaven

2009-04-12T14:30:00.001-07:00

Some of you who grew up in the 70's might remember the song by Led Zeppelin " Stairway to Heaven." The song was our junior prom theme song. I downloaded it this morning to refresh my memory of the words. I don't understand the lyrics as I don't know the heart of the author of the song.

I do know the author of a vision of a stairway to heaven He gave me in November of 2008. This vision was 4 months prior to my recent diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer.

Sitting at my desk typing I turned around when I felt a presence so strong I looked to see who walked in the room. I heard a still small voice a whisper. It's me Jesus. I am coming to take you home. I said 5 years, 10 years and the answer was followed with a vision of a spiral staircase that went all the way to heaven. On the staircase were those that had chosen to follow Christ. They all knew where they were going. One step at a time they ascended the steps with a quiet confidence on their journey heaven bound. They took their steps with an awareness of living for today going about the Father's business. Because the staircase was spiral you could lean over and see all the way to the top of the stairs. And one by one you could see the believers take a final step into heaven. No one was devastated, no morbidity. They waved, encouraged one another and loved one another well on the journey. There was an unspoken knowing I will see you soon.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1)

The heart of the author of our days says "my sheep know me , they hear my voice and they follow me.

All the way into heaven...

Love you,
Laurie

That I May Know Him

2009-04-12T05:26:00.000-07:00

I remember several years ago reading Philippians 3:10 "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and to share in the fellowship of His sufferings....

For three days I listened to this verse. Meditating on one section at a time. Reflecting on getting to know the Lord. The power of His resurrection. I was clueless about the power of His resurrection. I didn't fully understand His power. His resurrected power. The power that could free me from anything that I could not. Struggles with overeating of sugar, anger the list is different for everyone and it goes on. Did I know the power of Christ or did I find myself knowing a form of godliness but denying its power?
The following words began to teach me how I lived my life to fellowship in His sufferings. What did Jesus suffer for? The psalmist says He stooped down and made me significant. He suffered for me.

As I reflect on the cross today and the journey of Christ's life as He prepared for His death on the cross giving me a better understanding of my worth. I come to the conclusion there is no one else I would want to follow...The Lord is my shepherd He leads me by still water.

I love you,
Laurie

His Mercies are New Every Morning

2009-04-10T05:19:00.000-07:00

I am thankful His mercies are new every morning and we have something to look forward to when we wake up. Also thankful that as believers we don't have to let our circumstances dictate our day. Our friends in Africa have taught us well as they have endured some difficult times this past year. And they still report back to us our Redeemer lives. A timely thought with Easter around the corner.

I am feeling better the nausea has left. I am not a good nausea patient. Beware I moan and groan. So thank goodness that is over!

I am losing weight about 1/2 lb a day. Please pray that I am able to maintain my weight through the radiation and chemo.

I am little dizzy today. Some people would say what else is new-especially my high school friends.

Thanks for praying for our children. They have moments where this is really hard.

Heather is in CO was home for two weeks thanks to her incredible boss. It was hard hugging good-bye at the airport. We couldn't let go. We miss each other.

They have all been amazing.

We see God's leading as Liz lives 5 minutes away. She was over yesterday organizing and helping Greg make sense with the diet they have me on. One of many projects she has jumped in to help with. She is precious. She stares at me and says I am just taking you in.

Jon brought his guitar over and pulled out old worship songs he wrote and sat by me and sung them to me. If that doesn't melt a mother's heart nothing will. He has put some of his skill to use and has been video taping me. So if I don't hang around as long as we hope the grand kids will have me reading them books and telling them what I love about them. Don't worry we are optimistic but we want the bases covered.

I don't know what God's plan is for tomorrow but that is okay because I didn't know before I had this recurrence of cancer.

What I do know is I am in good hands and I won't go a day ahead of time. Thanks for joining us on this part of our journey.

Love you all very much!

Laurie

Not feeling so good

2009-04-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all your prayers for the chemo yesterday. They were able to administer another chemo drug. I didn't have to take the steroids which we knew I would have a drug reaction to. That was huge.

I am very sick. I put in a rough night last night and rough day. I was given a drug in addition to the chemo. This drug was to fight against the cancer going into my bones and to help strengthen my bones. It just makes you feel like you have a bad case of the flu along with the nausea from the chemo. It takes all I have to just go to the restroom from my bed. Look forward to the morning where hopefully there will be relief.

It is difficult to eat. I lost another 4 pounds this week. I have no appetite. My liver is so enlarged with the tumors that I get full very quickly.

Pray the chemo and natural foods begin to shrink the tumors.

Greg and our children have been awesome caretakers. I am blessed to have family and friends care so well for me.

A Glass Half Full

2009-04-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I was walking (yes walking radiation is allowing me to walk again) I was reminded of the saying people can look at life comparing it to a glass as half empty or half full. I decided in the midst of the cancer I don't want to miss what every day has to give so half full it is.

The medical staff are acting like angels. I am in good hands. I called one of the gals " angel Julie" because that is what she has been to me. A smile combined with a person looking into your eyes sends a deep message into one's heart that says no need to fear. It is because of your care and all the angels running around in people that I can say "It is well with my soul."

As a child I remember how much I loved my guardian angel. I would scoot over in class and give half my chair to my angel. I thought she had to be tired and so at night I would snuggle really close to my sister. She never understood why I left half the bed open. My angel needed a place to sleep. I am thankful that there are angels all around and they are not sleeping.

The angels that dropped the basket off with goodies and words of encouragement this morning blessed every member of our family.

Thanks to all of you................

Learning to Live

2009-04-06T04:30:00.000-07:00

Six years ago I dealt with the question could I trust the Lord with my children and husband should my days come to an end.

The question that would bring tears to my eyes. I went to my room and stayed there until I had the assurance I could.

It has been a process of letting go for my family. It is still hard the not knowing what day we will say goodbye. So we hold on tight and savor every moment we have together.

In 2003 the cancer went into my ducts where the risk of traveling cells could show up at any time. One would think the news would be devastating but it wasn't. This news began to teach me how to live in the moment. To enjoy whoever was in front of me. It didn't matter where I was a plane, grocery store or a good friend. People had so much value to me. Learning to live in the moment has taught me to filter out worry. A life without worry is one where life is lived. The reality is none of us know the number of our days.
Here I am in the same place 6 years later not knowing about tomorrow.

As we listened to the oncologist the prognosis of a year or maybe two with aggressive chemo came as a surprise. I glanced at Greg and scanned quickly over the past 27 years of our marriage. His love for me has brought me so much healing! Thankful that only my body has cancer. My soul is cancer free. God has loved me so well. I would be so scared if Greg had not allowed Christ's love to so freely love through him all these years.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones. We will be learning what He means by precious. And who knows maybe He will surprise us with a longer life.

Thanks for praying with us and for us.

2009-04-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

We are blessed by the e-mails and comments on the blog. Thanks for all the encouraging words. I really love hearing from you.

Radiation began on Thursday . I already feel relief. We bought a wheelchair and enjoyed the day on the monon with good friends.

I appreciate your prayers as I begin chemo. I have a few concerns as the Doctor told me many people have allergic reactions to the chemo drug they will be using. Learning to trust is the hidden blessing in suffering.

I

2009-04-03T02:31:00.001-07:00

It is hard to believe that one can be diagnosed and their body can go down hill so quickly. I find myself trying to do the last minute things. I am reminded that my brother's cancer took him at 48. Walking is becoming difficult with the tumor on my back. Radiation will shrink the tumor and I will find relief in 6 to 10 days. I am very nauseated due to the liver malfunctioning. The chemo starts Tues. and will work on this area of my body and anywhere else cancer cells have decided to go.

My body might be diseased but my soul remains intact. I am so thankful for the work the Lord began since I chose to follow Him in college.
I could never conjure up peace during a time like this. My dreams of watching our youngest child get married and our grandchildren born would not have allowed me this peace. And yet peace overrides in a way that is beyond my understanding. It guards my heart and mind.

Six years ago when I first was diagnosed with breast cancer and the doctors shared the cancer had gone into my ducts I remember going into my room and closing the door. I listened to the scripture "My sheep know Me, they hear my voice and they follow me. I knew my husband or friends would not be able to comfort me. I didn't come out of my room until I had the confidence I could trust my children and husband to Him. That He would provide all their needs. This has been my hardest battle and one where assurance was given that very evening.

So I find myself at the same crossroads where once again I can trust.

Thank you dear friends

2009-04-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

We want to say thanks for all the love and support you all have shone over the past couple of weeks. Many changes are taking place as we journey down a unfamiliar road. Yes, at times it may seem all we have is a paddle and no creek. The news of the breast cancer metastasizing in my liver comes as a surprise to us all.

We are grateful that in the midst of crying, and holding one another with long hugs there has been the peace that surpasses our ability to understand.

The original report from my oncologist showed the breast cancer cells from six years ago made it's way to my liver. MRI findings show that I have a tumor on my spine. Tomorrow I go in for radiation. Tuesday the chemo starts for my liver.

We will keep you updated via this blog. Thanks for all your care. We love you.